Blood, Sweat, and De Beers
Not gonna lie, I’m pretty proud of that title. If I were a film critic, that would have been my headline for my “Blood Diamond” review back in December. As it stands though, it’s a headline for three movies now:
- “Blood” being Spartans dying left and right.
- “Sweat” being Ralph Nader.
- And “De Beers” being the African diamond trade.
For those of you not hip to my jive, that would be “300,” “An Unreasonable Man” and “Blood Diamond” respectively. I also just saw “Breach,” “The Namesake” and “Blades of Glory,” but I couldn’t figure out how to work those into the title.
Anyway, some movie blurbs:
Blood Diamond: Pretty by the books sort of semi-docu-drama-based-on-a-true-story kinda flick. No twists, no turns, just some action and a whole lotta guilt towards all you ladies with those rocks on yo fingers. Leonardo DiCaprio plays it all “I just care about diamonds” and then redeems himself in the end. Blah blah blah. And Jennifer Connelly is still hot.
Breach: Even more by the books than “Blood Diamond” and even more based on a true story. Ryan Phillippe plays rookie FBI agent assigned to take down Chris Cooper’s character who is a threat to national security. Nothing particularly noteworthy about the flick, it accomplishes what it sets out to do, and that’s about it. But hey, at least you get some Dennis Haysberty goodness out of the deal.
An Unreasonable Man: I saw this in theaters the same weekend I saw “An Inconvienent Truth” on DVD. Made for a pretty stellar weekend of feeling bad for myself, I must say. Two movies, two failed runs at the presidency. (Well, four actually… stupid Nader.) Point is, this was a pretty in depth look at the life and times of Ralph. You get his early childhood (and a great story about his mother meeting up with Bush’s grandfather), all the way up to the present. With all of his clashes with big business and appearences on SNL in between (this is true). Hancock, get downloading…
The Namesake: The current front-runner for my favorite film of this year. I do love me some Kal Penn, and after watching this I love him even more. Apparently he can do serious as well he can do stoner… and I think we all know he does stoner pretty well. It’s not just Kal Penn’s movie though, which was interesting… he doesn’t even show up until like 45 minutes in. The story is really about the Ganguli family moving from Calcutta to New York City in the late 70’s, and then their how their lives continue to present day. I dare say this movie encompasses “blood, sweat and tears” all on its own. Maybe even a little De Beers as well.
300: As far as Frank Miller comic to screen adaptations go, this was no “Sin City,” but it was still pretty entertaining. It had something for everyone… dudes running around with their shirts off for the chicks, topless chicks for the dudes, and lots of CG blood for everyone! Yay! Blood orgy! I’m not sure if the “digital backlot” technology has advanced a whole bunch since Sin City came out, or if the stylizedness of ancient Sparta hid the blue screenness better than the City of Sin did… but this was a damn good looking flick. You wouldn’t know it was shot in a warehouse in Quebec.
Blades of Glory: The Onion’s review had a good formula for making a Will Ferrell comedy:
“All Ferrell needs is a subject fat enough to improvise around— Christmas (Elf), NASCAR (Talladega Nights), local news (Anchorman)— and a plot that won’t get in the way.”
It’s pretty true, besides “Stranger Than Fiction,” pretty much every Will Ferrell movie has him swaggering around all high and mighty making completely absurd statements with absolute confidence. And everytime it’s hilarious… this time being no exception. The homosexual undertones fortunately don’t become overtones in the world of pairs male figure skating, and the plot doesn’t get in the way of the jokes. As far as the cast goes, Jon Heder does a pretty good job of repressing his Napoleanness, and Coach does a pretty good of being, uh, Coach. Not enough William Fitchner for my liking, but what are you gonna do. Anyway, yeah, best Will Ferrell comedy since the last one. (Because they’re all pretty much the same.)
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